Well THAT didn't go to plan!
Last night in Aikido I hurt my hip, REALLY hurt my hip, in a way that scared the crap out of me and had me concerned I'd done some real damage.
I came home close to tears, not because of the pain, pain's no biggie, but because of the fear I may have effed up my hip again and that it would impact my TKD training.
I did it close to the start of class so it gave me plenty of time to reflect on a few things over the next hour while I was training, questioning if I really LOVED Aikido enough to put my hip at risk when my lifelong passion is TKD.
Before I hurt myself I was frustrated with the training and the thought crossed my mind "I'm not sure I'm really loving this and maybe I should be putting in the extra hours into TKD, the thing I really love".
I was also questioning WHY I felt I needed to learn another style right now when all I can think about is my TKD training.
At the end of class the instructor and some of the others students did a demo and it looked SO cool and I wanted to be THERE, I wanted to be doing that.
So I left telling myself I'd do the first grading and then re-evaluate because seeing the bigger picture inspired me.
When I got home the minute Dave saw me he cracked it, for the next hour I was reminded that "I told you this wasn't a good idea", "from the minute you said you wanted to start this I knew you'd hurt yourself" to "I love you and do not want to see you in a hospital bed again or see the crap you went through before and after the surgery". "Its not happening, you have to quit".
My response was kind of an hysterical laugh because the thought of actually being told "you can't do that" was actually pretty frig'n funny and even now it makes me laugh - weird response but clearly I find it truly "laughable" that someone (even the man I love) would think I'd actually do as I'm told :-)
Of course if I really wanted to continue I would but Dave had a point, he was worried, I was worried and when I told my friend Sommer about it she shared that she had been worried about that training too.
This morning I put all of that aside and reflected on what "I" really want.
The thing is when I started TKD there was never any "is this right for me?" type questioning, I KNEW with 100% certainty right away that I'd found my thing.
THAT is what I want from any other new style I begin.
I really, really, REALLY wanted to love Aikido because it ticked so many boxes but 2 classes of coming home with a sore hip, one of them being worrying, is enough to tell me I need to pull the pin.
I'm not doing it lightly, I was all geared up and excited about my first grading but the more I think about it I know I was forcing myself to be excited about it, forcing myself to want to go to training.
I can't wait to get to TKD every single session and where I'm at in life right now, I really need that passion for my training if I'm going to do it.
If I have to convince myself it's a good idea it's probably not for me.
I've woken up with a pretty sore hip but it feels more like it's a protective response, the deep pain I had last night has subsided and feels more localised in the front of my hip, into my hip flexor and down my leg a bit so fingers crossed I'm ok, I think I'll be fine.
I have physio at 12.30 so I'll know for sure then.
Anyway despite all of that I'm now at 8hrs and 5 mins in.
I'm thinking the body could use a rest today and I'll make up the 1hr and 55 min over the weekend.
I WILL hit 10 hours before the week's out.
YESTERDAY'S TRAINING
30 min fasted cardio first thing.
1 hour TKD / Kinesis
90 minutes Aikido
Not enough calories again yesterday!!
YESTERDAYS NUTRITION
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