A lesson in appreciating the life I have..

As you know the past few months have been C.R.A.Z.Y busy and I have barely had 2 minutes to myself.

Well now that I am no longer doing my early morning training sessions with my ladies and that grading is done and dusted and PUSH is running on the school holiday program and the kids don't have after school stuff and the fact Chloe is at mums for a bit and Cody is completely independent would rather hang out with his mates than his mum means I am at a lose end!

God help me when the kids move out!

You would think that with all of this spare time I would be experiencing feelings of pure bliss but I have to say the exact opposite is true!

I've been able catch up on some much needed sleep and housework but for the most part I am walking around bumping into things!

In business there are always plenty of things to do but without the stress of deadlines and a sense of urgency I'm finding it hard to stay motivated and focused.

It is too easy for me to say "it can wait" and to get sidetracked watching the recording of the tour de france from the night before.

Training is the highlight of my day and my training sessions are stretching into the 3hours now because I don't want to go home knowing I am going to wander around feeling useless!

I had always said I would give myself the first week of the school holidays to sloth around and not do much but tragically I was antsy before we even hit midweek of week one.

I am caught between starting a new major project and getting on with things and forcing myself to take it easy this week.

It is this internal struggle that goes something like this...

"I can't stand having nothing to do I need to get my teeth into something so I feel productive"

and

"I can't stand this but I know when I am flat out again I'll wish I took the time out to recharge so I NEED to do this"

I mean what do you do??

My natural tendency is to work and constantly have a few things on the go to keep me moving forward and even though sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed I am now understanding that this is what I thrive on.

So the question then becomes - do I stick to my guns and do nothing because that is what I said I would do and probably need to do or do I do what makes me feel like I am living life as I should??

I guess I have answered my own question haven't I!?

So as I type a plan is forming :)

I think that what I really need to do is pull out a pen and paper and plan for next term this week so I can at least use this as a mind dump then plan some family activities and things that I want to do now I have some time and be ok with working around that.

Usually it would be the other way round squeezing things in around work and the kids.

I think this is something I can live with :)

The whole process of feeling lost has meant I now appreciate just how exciting, challenging and fulfilling my daily life is.

Every day I get to stretch myself and learn and grow and feel alive and taking that away from myself has allowed me to see just how much this means to me and how I feel about myself.

The next time I am in the thick of things, not able to sleep because I have taken on too much I will be reminding myself how much I need that spice in my life.

Well must be off, need to go to the gym but first I have stage 6 of the tdf to get through :)