Time to get tough with the naysayers..
There is a theme within the progress reports I am responding to this morning.
Everyone is scared of the amount of social events they have to attend and the effect this will have on their weight / gained results.
It just shows what an emotional issue this is because really food is just food and alcohol is just alcohol - these are "things" that don't have any control over anything other than the control you give them.
If it were as simple as making a rational decision based on the impact overeating or overdrinking will have on your health and waistline it would be job done, decision made, move on.
But it isn't that simple because of the emotions and meanings we have tied up in food and alcohol.
Rather than it being as easy as "If I drink 5 drinks I am putting myself at risk and putting my weight loss back a mile so this is a no-brainer. If I have one drink I know this will lead to 5 drinks so I won't drink, problem solved".
Instead we also have to consider the thoughts that counter this such as:
"My friends will give me a hard time if I don't drink"
"I won't have as much fun if I don't drink"
"Everyone will be drinking and I don't see why I can't just relax and have a few drinks like everyone else"
"I'm not as much fun when I don't drink"
"I won't feel part of the group if I am the only one drinking"
"I need a drink to feel comfortable in a group of people I don't know"
"I'll make others feel uncomfortable if I don't drink"
I have probably only touched the surface but as you can see not a lot of this stuff is about the effects the alcohol will have on your health or weight but everything but!
The same applies when we head out to eat.
So I am going to tackle one of the (surprisingly!) most common pitfalls - other peoples negative opinions!
I don't eat desert or cake, not for any particular reason (I believe that treat foods are ok in moderation) than I don't really like it or how it makes me feel afterwards but say "NO" to a piece of birthday cake and you would think I just declared myself anorexic!
I don't struggle with this, in fact I would say I don't pay it any attention at all probably because I am used to it but when I hear my ladies relay a similar story I think back and then see what I didn't see at the time.
I'm lucky, I have a very thick skin when it comes to this but many women really struggle with the careless or snide remarks from others when they make a healthy choice.
It blows my mind that people want to be negative about someone making a healthy choice and I'm even more bewildered that they feel free to share that negativity.
In our culture it can really make others uncomfortable when we don't do what they are doing ie: eating a fatty meal followed by desert and half a bottle of wine and unfortunately this can have an impact on the poor soul trying to do their best in the eye of temptation!
And so we need to get tough....with ourselves and with our naysayers.
How do we do this and still stay friends?
I guess first by making the decision about this person; this is someone who is uncomfortable with your success - how much do you really need them in your life??
And if you do need them in your life where do they fit and what conversation do you need to have to make it clear that undermining your efforts is a no go area?
The second thing is to be very clear on what your boundaries are for social outings.
You know exactly what you should and should not be doing to live your life in a healthy way and if having 1 drink at social outings or a free meal every week fits within this then embrace it, know your limits and stick to them.
If you know 1 drink will bring you undone and you know you will wake up disappointed in yourself don't even go there - know what you need to do and stay focused on how you will feel when you wake up feeling fresh instead of hungover.
The third thing is to expect comments if you are not doing what everyone else is doing and know how you will handle this.
I have a friend who lost a lot of weight over time and she is now a whole new woman, confident, energetic, more successful in her career and just loving herself sick.
Anytime she goes out with the girls she looks a million bucks and doesn't seem to think too much about covering up (not saying she gets around half naked!) and is happy with how she looks.
I know that when her family is around she makes sure her collarbones are covered up so no-one can see her now normal looking collarbones and she doesn't eat all day before the family get there so she can eat a lot because if she doesn't comments are made!
On the flip side I often get - You are looking thin! (Despite being the same weight for years and 6kg heavier than my fighting weight!) and my reply is always - "Well I'm training hard but I eat like a horse and I weigh the same as I did the last time you saw me" - end of story - no more conversation or correspondence will be entered into!
I even have one auntie now who jumps in before I do if she has the chance with "She's just fit leave her alone" :)
I don't let it in, I know where I am at and I know where I am headed and I am comfortable with both.
Having conviction behind your stance is easy if you truly believe you are leading the best life for you and making decisions based on that and people will respect this.
If you are wishy washy with your response you invite argument so get tough; know the decisions you need to make and why you are making them don't take any crap.
My all time favorite question when someone presses the point is "Why does it make you so uncomfortable that I don't want cake?" Then silence till they are forced to answer. If you feel you are being rude by asking this remind yourself they were rude in the first place!
Take these opportunities to lead by example and get them talking about their own health; you never know you may just inspire someone to change their life in a positive and healthy way.
As always comments are welcome xx
Everyone is scared of the amount of social events they have to attend and the effect this will have on their weight / gained results.
It just shows what an emotional issue this is because really food is just food and alcohol is just alcohol - these are "things" that don't have any control over anything other than the control you give them.
If it were as simple as making a rational decision based on the impact overeating or overdrinking will have on your health and waistline it would be job done, decision made, move on.
But it isn't that simple because of the emotions and meanings we have tied up in food and alcohol.
Rather than it being as easy as "If I drink 5 drinks I am putting myself at risk and putting my weight loss back a mile so this is a no-brainer. If I have one drink I know this will lead to 5 drinks so I won't drink, problem solved".
Instead we also have to consider the thoughts that counter this such as:
"My friends will give me a hard time if I don't drink"
"I won't have as much fun if I don't drink"
"Everyone will be drinking and I don't see why I can't just relax and have a few drinks like everyone else"
"I'm not as much fun when I don't drink"
"I won't feel part of the group if I am the only one drinking"
"I need a drink to feel comfortable in a group of people I don't know"
"I'll make others feel uncomfortable if I don't drink"
I have probably only touched the surface but as you can see not a lot of this stuff is about the effects the alcohol will have on your health or weight but everything but!
The same applies when we head out to eat.
So I am going to tackle one of the (surprisingly!) most common pitfalls - other peoples negative opinions!
I don't eat desert or cake, not for any particular reason (I believe that treat foods are ok in moderation) than I don't really like it or how it makes me feel afterwards but say "NO" to a piece of birthday cake and you would think I just declared myself anorexic!
I don't struggle with this, in fact I would say I don't pay it any attention at all probably because I am used to it but when I hear my ladies relay a similar story I think back and then see what I didn't see at the time.
I'm lucky, I have a very thick skin when it comes to this but many women really struggle with the careless or snide remarks from others when they make a healthy choice.
It blows my mind that people want to be negative about someone making a healthy choice and I'm even more bewildered that they feel free to share that negativity.
In our culture it can really make others uncomfortable when we don't do what they are doing ie: eating a fatty meal followed by desert and half a bottle of wine and unfortunately this can have an impact on the poor soul trying to do their best in the eye of temptation!
And so we need to get tough....with ourselves and with our naysayers.
How do we do this and still stay friends?
I guess first by making the decision about this person; this is someone who is uncomfortable with your success - how much do you really need them in your life??
And if you do need them in your life where do they fit and what conversation do you need to have to make it clear that undermining your efforts is a no go area?
The second thing is to be very clear on what your boundaries are for social outings.
You know exactly what you should and should not be doing to live your life in a healthy way and if having 1 drink at social outings or a free meal every week fits within this then embrace it, know your limits and stick to them.
If you know 1 drink will bring you undone and you know you will wake up disappointed in yourself don't even go there - know what you need to do and stay focused on how you will feel when you wake up feeling fresh instead of hungover.
The third thing is to expect comments if you are not doing what everyone else is doing and know how you will handle this.
I have a friend who lost a lot of weight over time and she is now a whole new woman, confident, energetic, more successful in her career and just loving herself sick.
Anytime she goes out with the girls she looks a million bucks and doesn't seem to think too much about covering up (not saying she gets around half naked!) and is happy with how she looks.
I know that when her family is around she makes sure her collarbones are covered up so no-one can see her now normal looking collarbones and she doesn't eat all day before the family get there so she can eat a lot because if she doesn't comments are made!
On the flip side I often get - You are looking thin! (Despite being the same weight for years and 6kg heavier than my fighting weight!) and my reply is always - "Well I'm training hard but I eat like a horse and I weigh the same as I did the last time you saw me" - end of story - no more conversation or correspondence will be entered into!
I even have one auntie now who jumps in before I do if she has the chance with "She's just fit leave her alone" :)
I don't let it in, I know where I am at and I know where I am headed and I am comfortable with both.
Having conviction behind your stance is easy if you truly believe you are leading the best life for you and making decisions based on that and people will respect this.
If you are wishy washy with your response you invite argument so get tough; know the decisions you need to make and why you are making them don't take any crap.
My all time favorite question when someone presses the point is "Why does it make you so uncomfortable that I don't want cake?" Then silence till they are forced to answer. If you feel you are being rude by asking this remind yourself they were rude in the first place!
Take these opportunities to lead by example and get them talking about their own health; you never know you may just inspire someone to change their life in a positive and healthy way.
As always comments are welcome xx
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