The impossible pursuit of perfection.
This is one of the emails my ladies receive as part of a program and this particular email get's a lot of comments. In fact I just had one now and so decided to post it here to share to all of you women out there beating yourselves up for not being perfect!
Today I thought I would talk to you about the ridiculous pursuit of perfection we often find ourselves on and the unrealistic pressures we place upon ourselves.
As women I believe we are the worst offenders when it comes to being hard on ourselves for not being perfect and ironically we are often the soft place to fall for those we care about.
We are nurturing and encouraging and supportive and forgiving of those around us but often can't do the same for ourselves.
I think it is high time we began to treat ourselves like we would our best friends.
I mean seriously would you tell your best friend she was pathetic because she hadn't lost any weight that week or if she missed a training session because she was dog tired after caring for a sick child all night??!!
I'm guessing you would not so I would like to encourage you to be kind to yourself and stop striving for perfection because we all know by now the perfection we strive for is impossible.
A quick story.
A while back whilst at Taekwondo training I was reminded of something that is quite significant in Taekwondo (and most martial arts) training but is just as relevant outside of it.
One of the philosophies of Taekwondo is the pursuit of perfection whilst acknowledging perfection doesn't exist.
It is knowing that regardless of how hard you train and how committed you are you will never achieve perfection.
And (here is the kicker) be ok with that AND pursue it anyway...
Letting go of the pressures of perfection and pursuing it anyway is very liberating and this philosophy has served me well.
I am not a perfectionist any more, I found it didn't work for me.
Perfectionism paralyses you from taking action and moving forward and ironically inhibits you from reaching your fullest potential because hand in hand with perfectionism comes "all or nothing" and we know from plenty of experience that this doesn't work either.
Don't get me wrong; there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for a worthwhile goal and doing your best to achieve it. However rather than focus on perfect how about focusing on doing the best you can given your current circumstances and feeling good about what you did do and not what you didn't do?
I know you all place such huge expectations on yourselves and beat yourselves up when you don't cut it and it often pains me to see how little credit you give yourselves when you are doing the best you can given your current circumstances.
By current circumstances I mean, for example, you have had a flat out week at work, one of the kids is sick and has been throwing up all week and you had planned to do 3 cardio sessions and 2 weight sessions but only got to do your 3 cardio sessions.
Given what you were dealing with that week 3 cardio sessions is still pretty darn good and it means you didn't drop your bundle completely when things got hard. You then focus on the week ahead and again strive to do your best.
You cannot ask any more of yourself than that if it really is your best.
The great thing about the "doing your best" approach is that there is an innate honour system built in.
You know if you tried your best or if you let yourself off the hook.
The other great thing is that there is also an innate high level of expectation from yourself - you, and only you know what your best is and you get to decide that for yourself based on your what you know you are capable of.
Do the best you can, most of the time and cut yourself some slack for being human, take the pressure off yourself to do everything 100% right 100% of the time and you may just be surprised at what a difference it makes to your peace of mind and also to the results you get.
We all like to set our own rules and this is the perfect way to do that without letting yourself off the hook.
You will find greater pride in doing the best you can than in trying to be perfect and always falling short.
Go to bed every night feeling as though you did your best and I guarantee you will sleep well.
Michelle xx
Today I thought I would talk to you about the ridiculous pursuit of perfection we often find ourselves on and the unrealistic pressures we place upon ourselves.
As women I believe we are the worst offenders when it comes to being hard on ourselves for not being perfect and ironically we are often the soft place to fall for those we care about.
We are nurturing and encouraging and supportive and forgiving of those around us but often can't do the same for ourselves.
I think it is high time we began to treat ourselves like we would our best friends.
I mean seriously would you tell your best friend she was pathetic because she hadn't lost any weight that week or if she missed a training session because she was dog tired after caring for a sick child all night??!!
I'm guessing you would not so I would like to encourage you to be kind to yourself and stop striving for perfection because we all know by now the perfection we strive for is impossible.
A quick story.
A while back whilst at Taekwondo training I was reminded of something that is quite significant in Taekwondo (and most martial arts) training but is just as relevant outside of it.
One of the philosophies of Taekwondo is the pursuit of perfection whilst acknowledging perfection doesn't exist.
It is knowing that regardless of how hard you train and how committed you are you will never achieve perfection.
And (here is the kicker) be ok with that AND pursue it anyway...
Letting go of the pressures of perfection and pursuing it anyway is very liberating and this philosophy has served me well.
I am not a perfectionist any more, I found it didn't work for me.
Perfectionism paralyses you from taking action and moving forward and ironically inhibits you from reaching your fullest potential because hand in hand with perfectionism comes "all or nothing" and we know from plenty of experience that this doesn't work either.
Don't get me wrong; there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for a worthwhile goal and doing your best to achieve it. However rather than focus on perfect how about focusing on doing the best you can given your current circumstances and feeling good about what you did do and not what you didn't do?
I know you all place such huge expectations on yourselves and beat yourselves up when you don't cut it and it often pains me to see how little credit you give yourselves when you are doing the best you can given your current circumstances.
By current circumstances I mean, for example, you have had a flat out week at work, one of the kids is sick and has been throwing up all week and you had planned to do 3 cardio sessions and 2 weight sessions but only got to do your 3 cardio sessions.
Given what you were dealing with that week 3 cardio sessions is still pretty darn good and it means you didn't drop your bundle completely when things got hard. You then focus on the week ahead and again strive to do your best.
You cannot ask any more of yourself than that if it really is your best.
The great thing about the "doing your best" approach is that there is an innate honour system built in.
You know if you tried your best or if you let yourself off the hook.
The other great thing is that there is also an innate high level of expectation from yourself - you, and only you know what your best is and you get to decide that for yourself based on your what you know you are capable of.
Do the best you can, most of the time and cut yourself some slack for being human, take the pressure off yourself to do everything 100% right 100% of the time and you may just be surprised at what a difference it makes to your peace of mind and also to the results you get.
We all like to set our own rules and this is the perfect way to do that without letting yourself off the hook.
You will find greater pride in doing the best you can than in trying to be perfect and always falling short.
Go to bed every night feeling as though you did your best and I guarantee you will sleep well.
Michelle xx
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