The weight of our own expectations..
It is my nature to place super high expectations on myself and having worked in this industry for more than 2 decades now I know I am not the only one!
The expectations are not limited to my physical abilities but extend well into everyday life as it does with many of you I'm sure.
Recently I had to step back and take a look at my work load and my training load as my body objected in its usual way by breaking down and leaving me in daily pain - which is no fun at all and even more disappointingly self-inflicted by not listening to the things I know my body & sub-conscious are telling me!
I'm sure I am not the only one in this same, worn out old boat :)
The upside to this round of self-reflection is that I didn't need to have the wheels fall completely off the wagon before I took action - getting older in this case does mean getting wiser :)
A few small changes like taking some time off training and get some serious treatment going on my hip / back, changing up my teaching timetable and re-structuring Glow have all meant things are as they should be. Less stress, less workload (and a more enjoyable way of doing things) and fingers crossed I am on my way to being relatively pain free again.
I was about to take on more, expect more of my body by taking on more training (training that was not going to be good for it) and by taking on more work that I just don't need - I just don't like to say NO to anything in case I miss out on something!! Damn my crazy nature!
This valuable round of self-reflection reminds me of when I first started competing in taekwondo.
At the club I was training at I was considered one of the best.
Everyone expected me to win my first fight including me.
Losing was simply not an option - I mean how mortifying not to live up to everyones expectations!!
Well..the day of the fight came around and I had already worn myself out from the stress and anxiety before I even got there!
Long story short I should have won but got a bit of white line fever!
I lost the fight by a point but lost 3 points punching the girl in the face (sooo not allowed, we can kick the face we just can't punch it).
I was mortified!
My fight was one of the first of the day and we stayed at the venue till late in the afternoon - I just wanted to go home and die.
I had class the next night and I couldn't make myself go, I knew I would go back but I just needed to lick my wounds a bit.
At the time that class finished one of my fellow students called me and told me they all missed me at class and to make sure I got my butt there on Thursday.
It was hard going back, it was hard to face everyone and it was hard to face the fact I didn't win but I put on my big girl pants and went back to class and had a great night.
Not winning (have a hard time with that other word starting with "L") inspired me to be 100% prepared for future fights and to not leave anything on the matts in training but the other thing it did for me was take the pressure off and put things in perspective.
I mean no-one died and I still had all of my teeth!
I decided there and then to learn from the fight and use it as an education.
For a long time despite all of that the expectations I placed on myself took all of the fun out of competing.
When you are trying not to lose you are not trying to win - I won but didn't feel I did it well.
After I had my kids I still competed - Cody was 5 months old when I had my first fight after his birth and everyone was shocked that I could do that.
Things changed then, I had exceeded everyone else's expectations and I no longer felt I had anything to prove.
I didn't lose a fight from then on and I was much, much more relaxed about the whole process.
The weight of my own expectations was holding me back, as it still does from time to time.
As you know I like to shoot for the stars but ambition and striving for success and excellence can be hindered by the weight of our self imposed expectations.
The expectations are not limited to my physical abilities but extend well into everyday life as it does with many of you I'm sure.
Recently I had to step back and take a look at my work load and my training load as my body objected in its usual way by breaking down and leaving me in daily pain - which is no fun at all and even more disappointingly self-inflicted by not listening to the things I know my body & sub-conscious are telling me!
I'm sure I am not the only one in this same, worn out old boat :)
The upside to this round of self-reflection is that I didn't need to have the wheels fall completely off the wagon before I took action - getting older in this case does mean getting wiser :)
A few small changes like taking some time off training and get some serious treatment going on my hip / back, changing up my teaching timetable and re-structuring Glow have all meant things are as they should be. Less stress, less workload (and a more enjoyable way of doing things) and fingers crossed I am on my way to being relatively pain free again.
I was about to take on more, expect more of my body by taking on more training (training that was not going to be good for it) and by taking on more work that I just don't need - I just don't like to say NO to anything in case I miss out on something!! Damn my crazy nature!
This valuable round of self-reflection reminds me of when I first started competing in taekwondo.
At the club I was training at I was considered one of the best.
Everyone expected me to win my first fight including me.
Losing was simply not an option - I mean how mortifying not to live up to everyones expectations!!
Well..the day of the fight came around and I had already worn myself out from the stress and anxiety before I even got there!
Long story short I should have won but got a bit of white line fever!
I lost the fight by a point but lost 3 points punching the girl in the face (sooo not allowed, we can kick the face we just can't punch it).
I was mortified!
My fight was one of the first of the day and we stayed at the venue till late in the afternoon - I just wanted to go home and die.
I had class the next night and I couldn't make myself go, I knew I would go back but I just needed to lick my wounds a bit.
At the time that class finished one of my fellow students called me and told me they all missed me at class and to make sure I got my butt there on Thursday.
It was hard going back, it was hard to face everyone and it was hard to face the fact I didn't win but I put on my big girl pants and went back to class and had a great night.
Not winning (have a hard time with that other word starting with "L") inspired me to be 100% prepared for future fights and to not leave anything on the matts in training but the other thing it did for me was take the pressure off and put things in perspective.
I mean no-one died and I still had all of my teeth!
I decided there and then to learn from the fight and use it as an education.
For a long time despite all of that the expectations I placed on myself took all of the fun out of competing.
When you are trying not to lose you are not trying to win - I won but didn't feel I did it well.
After I had my kids I still competed - Cody was 5 months old when I had my first fight after his birth and everyone was shocked that I could do that.
Things changed then, I had exceeded everyone else's expectations and I no longer felt I had anything to prove.
I didn't lose a fight from then on and I was much, much more relaxed about the whole process.
The weight of my own expectations was holding me back, as it still does from time to time.
As you know I like to shoot for the stars but ambition and striving for success and excellence can be hindered by the weight of our self imposed expectations.
Enormous expectations can be paralysing and stunt your personal growth because you fear failure so much.
SO... take some time to reflect on the expectations you have of yourself and see if you can lighten the load a bit.
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